One day I remembered.
But before that day
I was a small regular human
wandering the giant Earth planet
like a grain of sand on the beach
like one cell inside a body.
Being so small it felt easy to fly away off the earth,
to get lost in the turmoil,
to be misplaced
in the giant cacophony of life.
What chance would a feather have of staying in place in a windstorm?
And the work then was to anchor,
to braid together the fine threads
of a heartbeat’s connection to the earth
and to send these down into her unfathomable depths
seeking a rock solid enough to tie onto,
seeking the iron core at her center,
desperate for solidity,
for a center to hold onto
that would not fly apart
despite the ever turning centrifugal feeling of it all.
That work went on for a while.
In the meantime
there were moments of exhilaration,
flying across the face of the Earth – fast
and suddenly aware of each being alive on the planet
as a singular point of light,
a pointillistic Earth covered in a flowy gauzy web of white lights,
the Universe’s best christmas decorations
strung up everywhere,
each living being’s unique light
pulsing in my blood
throbbing in my veins
expanding my head for a moment to nearly the size of the globe itself.
There were answers to mysteries singing in that pulsing
but I could not quite hear the words.
Underneath it all and inside it all
was the singularly consistent tone of the Earth herself
and I spent more and more minutes and then hours and then days
listening to her songs,
hearing how they accompanied the songs of all of the other things on her -
in the birds, the trees, the bees, the glaciers, the ocean waves, the whales, the minnows,
the oysters, the wolves, the snow leopards, the elephants, the butterflies -
they all carried her songs inside them and her songs danced with their own songs
like a melody within a melody
or a fine harmony enrichening the tune.
In the humans this was not so.
they were not hearing her songs
and their own songs were dim and fast and short and often out of tune as a result
and that web of interconnected lights would flare only for brief moments
leaving behind just the dots
bobbing in the sea of the planet’s great surface
like tiny warning buoys.
Danger, rocks ahead.
I don’t know when it first happened because time is no longer in me.
I only move through it now sometimes for the convenience of certain work.
But it did happen.
One moment I was a small human
singing our songs
me and Earth and life (except the humans) all three together.
Feeling Earth’s sadness and pain
my fierce heart expanded abruptly
I was a giant
but still growing beyond that
and I was suddenly enormous
and so much so that the Earth became like a small ball in my arms
that I could hold and hug and caress
tenderly caring for her like a baby
like a soft fragile delicate being found stunned and senseless by the side of the road.
And she said to me then
‘oh thank goodness you came back for me
I am so glad you are here’
and she nuzzled in closer in my arms,
her sweet smiling face turned up to mine
and closed her eyes and slept.